Little Mary's Little Blog

Little Says, Let Go a Little

You know why they say "in order to get what you want you must not want it"? Because we want things the wrong way. Yea, it's true. How do you feel when you want something really badly? Like when you are in dance class and you can't quite get the combination but you really want to because it's so cool. Or when you want to solve a math problem. Or when you want to write a really cool post. Do you tense up and get frustrated and anxious? Do you call yourself stupid? Do you tear your little hair out? Well, I do. I do I do I do. I tie myself in little knots I guess you could say. And energy doesn't flow well through things with knots.

Creative energy. Energy that creates things. When we want things badly we shouldn't try to squeeze them out of our little bodies and minds. We should be freeing ourselves of little knots so that the energy that creates things can flow through us and inspire us and move us to the things we want. Like a breath. It's a little scary, I know. It's like stepping onto an invisible bridge. The tricky thing is that it only works if you believe and trust that it wil be there to hold you. Because when you doubt you get scared and anxious. And those are little knots. And they will make the bridge disappear. So believe little ones. Believe and trust and let go. Learn to want your little dreams the only way you are going to get them. With faith.

What Do You Say About This Little Story?

So, I was driving Crumpled Paper, my little crumpled paper car, on the freeway today. I was coming home from a very good little day of delivering roses. I was listening to my favorite tape of Bob Marley songs, thinking about little things but I kept being interrupted by the noise of the cars passing me. (As you can imagine a LOT of cars pass me on the freeway.)

They all made unhealthy little noises. One after the other after the other. And I tought to my little self, people should take better care of their little cars! They shouldn't be driving them when they are sick like this. And then, after about the hundredth little sick car, I noticed they all sounded the same. And I thought to my little self, that sure is a little strange!

And then came the big revelation: I realized that the little not-healthy sound I was hearing everytime a car was passing me, was the reflection of the sound Crumpled Paper was making... My little car. Me.

Beans, Fairies, Aliens and Virgin Marys

Why is it that in Ireland people see fairies, in the United States people see aliens and in Portugal people see the Virgin Mary? In Simpleton people see Giant Baked Beans... I personally prefer fairies. They are much cuter. Though sometimes just as mean. As Baked Beans I mean.

Are they all really just the same thing? That different eyes see as different shapes and sizes? Giant beans, little fairies, ugly aliens, Virgin Marys...

Are they mirrors? What does it say about little me that I see beans and not fairies? Does it mean anything? Do they mean anything? They must. They do. At least I am sure Baked Beans do. To me. Maybe not to you.

What do YOU see?

My Little Brain... My Little Little Brain...

I can already see it. It's maybe happening all over again. The Bean. The Giant Bean. But not. This time I think my loonyness will materialize into one Big Giant Slimy Snail.

You have no idea what I'm talking about, do you? Well, I'm not sure I can explain. Crazy little things happen in my little life. I go through these phases, these grow spurts. And if I resist them I get a present from life. A little teacher. Though they are hardly ever little. Last time it was a Giant Baked Bean. This time, I don't know what it is going to be.

I thought I was going to be able to avoid it but I'm not so sure anymore. I've been sooo good! I even started meditating. For one whole hour everyday. And now, all of a sudden, after the first half hour, my little brain just goes bye bye. It turns off. ZZZZZZZZZZZZ. I can get up with ALL the energy in the world and then CAPUT.

I know it is my little brain trying to avoid growth again. And so I try so very hard to stay awake. And the harder I try the harder my little brain fights back. So then I get tired and tired and more tired...

Carl Jung said "what we resist persists". Oy vey. Little conundrum... If I let my little brain fall asleep and avoid growth I might have another Giant Bean coming my little way but if I resist my little brain's resistance I'm going to inevitably pass out of exhaustion. Oh, what to do, where to go?

To sleep. To bed. Says Little Bratty Brain.

Maybe my little brain is a little fool after all. Maybe though it thinks it can hide in dreams, it is wrong. There is no hiding in the world of sleepy dreams! It is the mostness of a wide open space. It is where all the answers and all the questions live. It is where all the world's little souls go. Naked. At some point in their little tumultuous day. No exception. Things happen there without our having one little tiny say. We don't even get to pick who we are going to be.

So, goodnight little brain. I will stop fighting you and let you have your way. There's no one can stop you anyway. You are right. Who needs growth? Go to sleep. Go to sleep... ;)