Little Mary's Little Blog

Little Cuteness Too Much Substance...?

I never meant for this little post to be so heavy... I feel like it's heavy... Not enough fluffy and sillyness and fun. Do you agree? Nevermind...

It's just that, ever since I started this fluffy little blog my life has gone crazy wild on a little learning spin. Things are happening to little me. To my little brain... Good things. But they don't really make for good little cute quirky posts. Am I growing? Does becoming an adult mean becoming boring and serious? I hope not. I mean, I don't necessarily want to be like Pixie King and Kinky Balloo but I also don't want to become Big Serious Preachy Mary.

I was going to write this little post about not wanting to go to work tomorrow. Because I have to deliver roses to this one client I don't really want to see. She's not evil or anything. I just don't like how I feel around her. I was going to say "how she makes me feel" but nobody makes you feel nothing. It's you. Only you. I felt yuc around Baked Bean. And so I ate him. But I can't eat this lady. She might not give me gas but I don't think she would taste good. And I'm sure it wouldn't fix the problem either.

The thing with Baked Bean was that he brought out something in me which I did not want to deal with. My anything-but-little anger. And so I faced it. I let it all out and I ate him and I farted and I grew. It's done. I guess she's next. I'm a little scared. I'm not sure what it is that I have to face here. Mr. Olive Tree would probably say "Observe". So I will. I will observe. And I will face it. And I will grow. But not too much. I will always be Little Silly Mary of the Rose.

Little World of Mirrors

Nobody, no matter how little or how big they are, can make you feel something you don't already feel about yourself.

So don't blame anybody for making you feel guilty;
Don't blame anybody for making you feel little;
Don't blame anybody for making you feel worthless;
For making you feel fat or for making you feel stupid.

When you point that little finger, walk yourself to a mirror. That's the one that you should blame. No, not the mirror, silly. You! I don't mean to sound preachy. But it is true! Because when we turn that little finger toward ourselves we notice the things that are most probably holding us back. And we have a chance to figure out where they come from and how to get rid of them.

I blamed Baked Bean for making me feel angry and out of control; I blamed Fred for making me feel guilty; I blamed Boiled Egg for making me feel rude. This is going to sound a little weird but it's as if people reflect back at us what we are already feeling. It's as if we are surrounded by mirrors. Everything in our world. Little mirrors. That reflect back to us our thoughts, our feelings, our beliefs, our everything. And that is a great thing! We know ourselves by observing our world.

If we don't like what we "see" we must start with "we". When I turned into a hot air balloon, I got very upset the first time I caught a glimpse of my reflection. But I could not possibly blame the mirror for it. Not even a little.

A Little Tired I Am

Sometimes I want things to happen very very fast. Not a little fast, instantaneously. Sometimes I feel like I just work, work, work. You know? I'm not whining. I am very happy with what I have. But I want more! And I work for more. I run for more. But sometimes it seems I'm running on a silly, little treadmill. I'm in a terrific little shape but in the end I'm still standing in the same little place. This is how I was feeling when I was trying to get my Blue Roses. And then I got them! And now I want more. So, what did I do to get them? What was the lesson? I am not sure...

The answer turned out to be right under my nose. But I hadn't seen it. Not until I got stung in the head by the Bean, turned into a hot air balloon, saw God, met Santa's cousin, almost drowned, found Beloved Leader and came back home. So the lesson was, in order to see the answer to my little problem, I had to open my little
eyes in a particular little way. In order to open my little eyes in a particular little way I had to experience certain little things. Mostly things I did not want to experience. Things I resisted experiencing. Which only made things harder and crazier.

It seems when there is something we must do that we resist doing the universe goes out of its way to make us do it. Whether it is by sending aliens to capture us, drawing crop circles or creating giant baked beans that come out of the sky dressed as bumblebees to sting us on our little heads. I hope I can figure this one out on my own before the Universe deems it necessary to send another crazy creature to "help me out"...

A Little Stress Goes A Long Way

Do we believe that "the unsuffered life isn't worth living" ? Does little suffering equal little meaning? If that is absolutely not true then why do we turn little mounds into giant hills and little bubbles into giant storms?

I noticed today that 99% of the crazy chaos and pain in my life is self inflicted. But when it came to making the decision to stop inflicting it I was hesitant. And I actually asked myself what would be the point of living if I stopped stressing out about not finding things? And stopped taking everything personally? And stopped expecting my friends to change? We stress about things because we believe they are important. We take things personally because we believe we are important. We expect our friends to change because we believe they are important. And although if nothing were important we wouldn't hurt, if nothing were important NOTHING WOULD BE IMPORTANT!

But I got a little lost somewhere in this argument with myself. The truth is, we like drama. And we are addicted to suffering. But we like easy suffering. And so we place importance on the things we cannot control. That way we kill two beans with one stone: we get suffering without responsibility. It is hard getting up earlier in order to avoid traffic in order to be on time. It is hard keeping my things tidy so that I always find what I'm looking for. It is hard doing my best and being my best, believing and trusting in myself so that insults and high praises don't sway me. These things are hard, they make us suffer and when we fail we are the only ones to blame...

So here's the cake: Suffering AND growth. We can have it and we can eat it, too.

Our Own Little Super Powers

There are so many movies, TV shows, books and stories out there about Super Heroes. People who have "special" or "super" powers. You know? Like flying. Or walking through walls. Reading minds. Disappearing. Making things appear, seemingly, out of thin air. I was watching "Heroes" the other day and I started thinking. Most Super Heroes begin not knowing they have special powers. Then they find out they have powers but don't know how to use them. Or how to control them. They have to learn. Sometimes they have a mentor but most of the time they do it on their own by constantly smacking their noses against walls until they walk through them successfully at will. So, what if we ALL were Super Heroes in that first dormant-power stage?

Because really WE ARE, aren't we? Think about all the times you thought of someone and they called you. Or you wanted something and without knowing someone gave it to you. How about people that lift cars from over their children? Did you ever get unexpected money when you needed it most? I can't even think right now of all the "little" "miracles" and "coincidences" that fill my days, and probably yours, that I just brush aside with a smile and maybe a "that's neat". But really neat would be if these were powers that we HAVE that only need to be developed and controlled. It seems we don't take our time to do it because we think they don't come from us. That someone else is in charge. Like when I was a hot air balloon and thought that someone else was in charge of my navigation.

Anyway, that's all the little. For now.